The Art of War

"I come no more to make you laugh: things now, That bear a weighty and a serious brow, Sad, high, and working, full of state and woe, Such noble scenes as draw the eye to flow, We now present. Those that can pity, here May, if they think it well, let fall a tear; The subject will deserve it."

VGR-001, Droid General of the Separatist cause, walked by, inspecting his troops as they prepped for invasion of Toydaria.  Many of the droids looked at VGR with some confusion as he gave the small speech, addressing them in a grave manner.  It was still early in the war, and many neutral planets hung in the balance.

Though VGR's voice was the same tinny level as theirs, the fresh troops were able to ascertain that VGR was not the average cheap robot of the CIS.  He marched in deep red color, a single black stripe on his thin head, granting him the rank of General, and VGR would brook no clownish antics from his men.


A new dawn arose as the sun peaked upon the horizon of Toydaria, ruled by the stubborn King Katuunko.  The King witnessed a struggle between the CIS and the Republic weeks before on his world, and had become very impressed with the tactics of a bold little Jedi and a handful of Clone troopers.

VGR read the reports of the failure by Ventress to clinch the world for Dooku and the Separatists.  He saw the footage, and felt a sort of "droid rage".  The honor of his make and model had been violated.  He personally volunteered his units to take the planet by force.

He walked by the troops in the hangar bay and gave his final inspection.  His final thoughts on the matter began to sink into the programmed protocols of his troops.  This would not be a circus like before.  VGR was out to prove they were better than a Jedi, and King Katuunko would pay for his arrogance.

VGR stopped by a communication unit, linked to the blue images of the current ship's droid commander, 888, and General Grievous.

"Troops have been inspected, we launch on your orders, sir!"

Grievous seemed to smile briefly.  "Do it!" he barked and walked away.

Droid 888, who monitored the fleet activity from the bridge, saluted VGR as the troops embarked in their transports.

"For Dooku and the Chosen One!" 888 gave a mantra only uttered in the Emerald Fleet of the CIS.  For the droids of Emerald Fleet, the "Chosen One" of true Jedi Prophecy was not the Republic's favorite, Anakin Skywalker, but rather someone else.  Droids were not religious by nature, but the war had instilled a fervor in them that went beyond programming.

VGR nodded "The battle is ours to lose!"

Emerald fleet had become something of a novelty among the Separatists.  Most of the CIS council, and everyone else in the Republic, viewed droids as second class beings, especially the CIS droids.  They were expendable, a thought that mildly chafed VGR.  In Emerald fleet, however, there had been a change in their demeanor that was not common.  It was almost unnatural how the droids under the command of one Conradin Hadranus had become molded in a different skin.

They had become thinkers, anticipating all events.  They even had nicknames to a degree.  Many had cast aside or even usurped their own programming for what could only be looked at as original thinking.  And the rookie droids fresh from the factories would soon discard common responses like "Roger roger" for more colorful metaphors and phrases.

VGR boarded his command shuttle and the transports launched.

Several vulture squads had launched to offer them escort.

"Gold squad reporting for duty!" Gold leader chimed in.

"Acknowledged." VGR-001 comunicated. His scanners picked up Republic Forces from the new established base on Toydarian rising up to meet them.

"We have fighters rolling in.  Gold squad, engage!" VGR took evasive maneuvers and led his transports in a straight line to the designated LZ.

Gold leader was not human, and not completely emotional, and yet there was enthusiasm in his voice.

"Time to serve the meatbags on a silver platter!" Gold squad dove headlong into the Republic fighters with a fanatical devotion, keeping them distracted while the invasion force continued its landing.

Landing in a solid forest of huge fauna, VGR sent out his tank brigade, ripping a path through the territory.  Several droid patrols led the way as skirmishers.

"Sir, the Toydarians and Clone troopers are mounting a defense around the King's palace." A scout made his way around a defense perimeter on his hovering craft.

VGR made mental notes, recalling maps, tactical locations and the suggested strengths of the enemy troops.  "We will use their terrain against them." VGR recalled the tapes of the attack on the Jedi who defeated a whole batallion of troops and tanks by using trickery and Force powers.  VGR did not have the luxury of Jedi skills, but he learned from the mistakes of the fallen batallion's commander, Droid 224.

Scouts started to report in.  The clones had troops hidden in the forest, setting up boobytraps and ambushes.  VGR had reprogrammed many of the newer droids to anticipate the guerrilla warfare.  Don't rush in, stay in numbers and chip away at the defenses one small piece at a time.  There were casualties, but nothing unexpected in the skirmishes taking place.

He kept his main units out of range from the castles defense cannons and clone artillery.  His skirmishers helped provoke the Republic troops to fire at them, and VGR could measure the radius of their fire, staying out of reach.

"What are we waiting for?"  newer droid officer got a little jumpy "We should be charging the castle.  All we are doing is losing patrols to the clones!"

VGR-001 turned to him after surveying the landscape through binoculars.  "This is deception warfare, Lieutenant.  The same deception that was played on the droids by the Jedi weeks ago.  We will let them think they are pulverizing us, then we strike."





On the Republic side, the garrison was in the temporary command of Captain Fin, a rather intimidating clone trooper.  He was also scouring the territory with binoculars.

King Katuunko flew up next to him.  "These droids are not skilled soldiers.  Even if they hold the castle under siege, we have many underground tunnels and the Republic fleet is about to engage their ships in orbit.  Plus, they are too cowardly to come near us.  This will be an easy victory."  The king smiled, but Fin did not share his enthusiasm just yet.

"What's our status, Lieutenant Hoskins?" he looked over at his lieut.  The clone trooper looked down at scanners and patrol reports.

"The droids are taking casualties, they don't seem to be making any headway."

"There must be more of them out there.  Too many transports for just these small units we are engaging.  What are these clankers up to?"

The lieutenant looked at his scanners again.  An explosion had erupted in the far distance.

"Sir, we're picking up distress signals from the main Droid column....the clankers messed up!  They were going in the wrong direction!"

Hoskins almost grinned, but Captain Fin thought it was all too easy.  "They know where the castle is.  Why are they going in the opposite direction?  And what was the cause of that explosion?"

The lieutenant replayed some of the panicked messages by droids screaming and a roaring noise over the com link.  "They seemed to have fallen afoul of one of the planet's natural predators.  They are in full retreat!"

Katuunko grinned.  "Captain, send your troops out to mop them up and kick them off my world!"

Captain Oil Fin looked over at him cautiously "We should stay here and keep you under protection. My patrols will gather intel on what is happening..."

For the command group looking out at the explosions and smoke columns rising in the distance, things started to look hopeful.

"Our scouts are reporting in.  They have found massive amounts of destroyed tanks and clankers!"

Captain Fin and Katuunko also saw several transport ships lift off and leave.

"HA!" The King guffawed in victory "They could not stand against even the animals of our world!  Captain, I think this calls for a celebration!"

Fin was also feeling more secure "Let's open the gates and send out reinforcements.  I want any clankers left planetside to be destroyed!"

The garrison mounted a full counterattack led by Fin.  The column marched out and found several stray droids, but otherwise they came across debris and destruction.  Katuunko was delighted beyond words.  Fin and his lieutenant became a little more bored with the easy victory.

"Well, so much for that excitement!" Hoskins sighed.  Fin smiled "I'll take this over a pitched battle any day!"

Katuunko spotted a wrecked tank with the dead droid commander displayed half out of the top portal.

"Once again, we prove that the droids are no match for superior thinking by the Republic...."

He picked up the droid commander's body and laughed at it.  "I guess you learned that the hard way, eh commander 224?"

Katuunko smiled as he dropped the droid body and was in mid laugh....when he stopped.  He looked down at the droid.  "224......224?  Oh NO!"  Katuunko panicked and looked around.  Everything was dead quiet.  Fin was about to ask him why he looked alarmed.

VGR-001 appeared from high above on a ridge, along with hundreds of ready droids, aiming their guns.

Dozens of droids sat up from within the debris and wreckage.  Fin suddenly found himself surrounded.

"You will drop your weapons and surrender King Katuunko!  You will all be treated according to the articles of war.  Clone troops. You are surrounded!  There is no escape.  You WILL surrender!" VGR announced loudly over the Clone column.  Droid Tanks moved into position to support the infantry.  Fin growled, ready to make a last stand.

"Over my dead b-"

"WE SURRENDER!!!  WE SURRENDER!!" Katuunko flipped out.  He shouted at all the clones to drop their weapons, that he would not be responsible for the massacre Fin was about to contemplate.

In the confusion, the clone troopers hesitated.  The droids started knocking guns out of their hands and forcing them to their knees.  Fin and his lieutenant were stunned at the bumblekarking they had just received from a bunch of know-nothing clankers.


VGR-001 marched down to meet the captain.

"Clone Captain, you have done all that was required of you in the service of the Republic.  You are to be commended, but you will now order your garrison troops at the castle to stand down.  This planet is officially declared property of the Confederacy of Independant Systems."

"I'd rather eat rust!" Fin defied VGR again, but the droid did not take offense.  VGR pointed his gun at the King, who promptly announced on his comlink for all remining clones and Toydarians to surrender immediately.  Fin facepalmed at the sight.  The droids around them cheered their victory.

The Clones listened silently as the droids had a few minutes of absolute elation.  VGR allowed the luxury, since it has been usually the custom of droids to suffer the butt of jokes and retreat.  For a brief moment in the war, they had cause to celebrate.

"I can't believe a whole garrison was bested by a fancy red Clanker!" he looked down at the ground.

VGR was not as emotional as his droid troops, but he was sympathetic to Fin's predicament.

"You should be proud of your service.  You did all you could do.  You should also be grateful, human.  We won against you without hardly firing any shots, and we are certainly giving you better treatment then you would have given us!"

VGR-001's words sort of bit into the Captain.  VGR kneeled down and picked up Commander 224's loose head and contemplated many calculations in the span of 2-3 seconds.

"Golden lads all must, as chimney sweepers, come to dust.  Farewell Commander 224."

VGR put the dead droid on the ground and saluted its body.  Katuunko's biggest mistake was never getting around to cleaning up the destroyed robots that lay out in the terrain for several weeks.  VGR used every element at his disposal to deceive the enemy, and it paid off with minimal destruction.

"You have got to be joking!" Hoskins sneered "You are mourning the death of a pile of metal!"

VGR ordered the prisoners to march back to the Castle, where he would report victory to General Grievous formally, and send a message to his friend Conradin to celebrate a near flawless victory.  The sarcasm of the clones did not effect him, but it did not escape him completely either.

"We are all the same, sir." VGR-001 looked at the officer somberly.  "We are someone else's property, whether it is the foundries of the CIS, or clone tubes of the Republic.  All we have is our ability to cherish this existence while we can.  I do not set my life at a pin's fee, nor do I yours."

Captain Fin was not as sarcastic as Hoskins.  He was a little amazed at the droid's sober philosophy, but VGR was still the enemy.

"This isn't over yet, Red.  You and I will settle this someday." Fin marched on with his troops, though VGR offered him the respect of his rank at every moment. A courtesy among rival officers.

VGR-001 Marched on, and Grievous would announce the fall of Toydaria to Count Dooku and the Republic.  A droid base would be set up, though VGR knew it would only be a matter of time before the Jedi would return to take back the world.  A part of him hoped it would be the little green Jedi that comes.  VGR-001 was itching for a rematch.